It happened quite unexpectedly.
So for a few days i was not travelling alone, but with my friend Patrick, whom i had met some time ago in Thailand. We had no real plan that day and spontaneously decided to rent a scooter and drive to a nearby waterfall. And it was, indeed, a good idea, because the location was pretty great: situated amongst a beautiful piece of jungle forest, sunlight breakes through the trees and only few people around (which is rare in asia, lol).
A guide led us to the waterfall (you need a guide here for almost everything, don’t ask me why?! Probably a business idea…). Anyways, once there, there was also a rock from which you could jump down into the deep water. I would say the height was between 3 and 5 meters, depending from which point you actually jump off. But in contrast to a platform in a swimming pool, you had to jump forward to avoid crashing onto the rock that protruded a bit.
However, we didn’t take long to ask and climbed on the rock.
Like i said, the height was just between 3 and 5 meters. But you know that: it doesn’t look that high from below, but once you get up there, it is something completely different. So i first went to the lowest jump point. I don’t know, somehow i’m afraid of heights, at least from a certain height. And the older i get, the worse it gets, lol. When i was a teenager, i would have loved to do Bungee Jumping once. I surely would never do it nowadays. Why should i?
Anyways, i jumped three times (all good things come in threes), i was satisfied and had already ticked off the matter. Patrick then somehow started teasing me, because i only jumped from that lower position and not from the top, like he did. Usually i dont bother, but in a strange way i felt challenged. At least i could go back and take a look at it again.
Said and done.
What happened next was pretty weird. I think i stood there for at least half an hour and considered whether i should jump or not. Even our guide was getting restless, because time was moving forward and we still had a long way to go… My head totally started to overthink and all the crazy thoughts and feelings came up there. Thoughts like: why am i doing this? To whom do i want to prove something? Why do i feel challenged by others? What happens if i slip on the jump and crash on the rocks? And how the hell do i get out of here with a broken leg?
I think i almost cried, because i didn’t feel strong and couraged enough to jump. It was terrible, even though the tropical setting around me was just beautiful. I tried to take a deep breath and soak up everything around me.
3 times… 4 times…
…but every time i stopped. And the thoughts in my head kept going crazy. Patrick has been watching me all the time and trying to motivate me. But i didn’t care, cause i had found the culprit in him, that had driven me up here (even if i knew, that it wasn’t true, lol). And somehow i couldn’t go back either. Something told me that i have to jump, no matter what…
Then, in the blink of an eye, i just pushed myself off and jumped. A moment later i dipped into the fresh water and came back to the surface. It probably didn’t take longer than 3 seconds.
But somehow, i dont know, that jump changed me. It didn’t feel any different than the previous ones from the lower position. But i have overcome my fears and doubts. And once again i realised that everything is just happening in my head and the things themself are much easier if you turn off the thoughts in your head for a while.